A survey of area fast food restaurants

As anyone who knows me can tell you, I am excessively slim. In fact, I could probably put on twenty pounds and still be relatively thin. Lately I've been trying to gain a little weight. The main problem is that I work irregular hours and trying to establish a routine of three squares a day is difficult. So I've been hitting some of the local fast food establishments in my quest for excessive poundage...

McDonalds:

Might as well start with the bright shining symbol of crap food. Everything about McDonalds screams "fake processed food". The molded plastic decor, the shiny plastic logo, even the garishly colored plastic kiddy playground. They even symbolize the ultimate in dead end jobs. You go to McDonalds to die.

I hadn't eaten here since I saw Super Size Me and probably wouldn't have if I hadn't decided to write a blog about fast food. Even then, I swear, there was some subconscious resistance. I had to force myself to get out of the car. A little voice in the back of my head kept spamming me: "You don't have to do this".

I tried a burger, the small McNuggets, fries and a milkshake. The fries were edible. I just don't get the burger - if you didn't know better you'd swear it was just a bun, because that's pretty much all you can see. That and this little blob of ketchup, where I imagine some machine injects a specified portion into the interior. Kinda like NASA's recent Mars missions - I suppose it would be too dangerous (and too costly) to have a human being do the job. The burger was bland but edible as long as I didn't give it too much thought while eating.

The McNuggets were the same, deriving most of their flavor, it seemed, from the oil in the deep fryer. The texture is bizarre - what did they do to those poor chickens? The milkshake was sickeningly sweet, with very little creaminess. It was like drinking strawberry jam.

I imagine leaving McDonalds feels about the same as leaving a hard-core pornography store: you feel kind of dirty, and you hope you don't run into anyone you know. Afterwards I felt bloated and sluggish. An hour or two later I crashed hard. I don't recommend the place, and I won't go back.

Sinapis Pizza:

I used to love this place but hadn't been there for a long time. I met my old roommate for lunch there yesterday, because it's close to where he works. I think that pretty much sums up the secret of Sinapis success: location, location, location! They're right next to the mall, right next to several corporate office parks, and they are always busy.

I appreciate good service, I'll tolerate poor service, but purposely bad service really bothers me. You have to work hard to provide service this appallingly bad, which makes absolutely no sense. The problem with bad service is that it often creates problems you don't want to deal with, and basically just perpetuates itself. Get over yourself and take a little pride in your work! On a scale of one to five I'll give Sinapis four Soup Nazis. Although probably deserving a five, I'll cut them a break for the simple fact that no one yelled "No pizza for you!"

Which brings me to the pizza: I ordered a couple of plain slices. The crust was great - a fantastic golden brown canvas that could have been used to create a masterpiece. I could take or leave the sauce. The big problem was the cheese. I'd ordered a Snapple green tea. The "fun fact" on the bottle cap said that a glass ball would bounce higher than a rubber ball. I think a Sinapis cheese ball would bounce about as high as the rubber ball...

Quiznos:

I avoided Quiznos for a long time, mainly due to their advertising. The first Quiznos commercials I can remember had these bizarre creatures I can only describe as talking hairballs singing some weird lo-fi song about how they "love the subs". They were clearly courting the stoner crowd and I figured they had Taco Bell-style food that you had to be baked off your ass to endure. They followed this up with talking baby commercials that seemed to confirm my suspicions.

A friend and I took a drive down to Orange, CT one day to check out some music stores. Hungry and unfamiliar with the area we stopped at a Quiznos based on his recommendation. I've been hooked ever since.

They make a really great sub - good bread, decent meats and cheeses and fresh toppings, toasted to perfection. Add a drink and you can get all that (and a bag of chips) for under ten bucks. It's one of the few fast food restaurants I frequent on a regular basis.

Two caveats: if possible, don't order it to go - it's better if you eat it at the restaurant. That's not a knock - any hot food worth eating will suffer if it sits for too long. Also, try going at off hours when they're not too busy. They use a conveyor oven and if you send too many things through at once the temperature drops and they come out undercooked. Again, not a knock just acceptance of the physical laws of the universe.

Boston Market:

I've always liked Boston Market, mainly because I'm a big fan of comfort food. Boston Market offers a quality product at a reasonable price (please keep in mind that we're talking relative to other fast food restaurants - it certainly doesn't compare to my mom's cooking). They have a nice variety that makes for a pleasant change from typical fast food.

I think this is enough for now. It's likely I'll revisit this topic again. One thing I'd like to make clear: I don't advocate visiting any fast food restaurant, particularly in light of America's obesity epidemic. In fact I think that fast food is a big part of the problem. If you are looking for some sensible information on nutrition, try some of the links below:

http://www.nutrition.gov/
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fns/nutrition.htm
http://www.mypyramid.gov/

Nutritional information for the restaurants mentioned in this post (sorry, no information on Sinapis was available):

Quiznos
Boston Market
McDonalds