Rethinking Paris Hilton

I was in Quiznos today and the guy standing in front of me in line had a copy of the New York Post with the Paris Hilton story on the back page. The guy behind the counter picked it up and started making fun of her and we all had a laugh at her expense. I don't really know the details but she's going to jail for some reason. I expect her next album will be gangsta rap...

It occurs to me that she really is low-budget soap opera in the sense that we don't incur any marketing/production costs. We simply have to set her loose with nominal provisions (a bottle of Jagermeister and a box of condoms would probably suffice) and let the paparazzi document the results. I realize people get angry because she's a celebrity with no talent and she says a lot of stupid things. I'm beginning to think we should look upon Paris as a one-woman Dynasty or 90210. We don't have to pay for sets, or other actors, or any of the expenses associated with producing a weekly hour-long pile of crap television series.

We could probably even brainwash her (it wouldn't take much soap) to the point where we can turn this into something like The Truman Show. We hire some writers, or better yet just let people submit story ideas to a website, then we orchestrate a series of pitfalls that Paris must overcome. It's all caught on hidden camera (because believe me - it will be much funnier if she's not in on the joke) and beamed to a satellite channel that we've blocked on her cable box (just put it on a channel number higher than she can count). An added bonus is she's got plenty of dumb friends to provide spin-off material.

Just a thought. She's got all that money and you know she's going to blow it on something stupid anyways. Why not let society benefit as a result?